The 4th Trimester

Not everyone has heard of the fourth trimester, but every mother and baby will go through it. These 12 weeks of figuring out motherhood have been some of the most challenging, yet rewarding, of my life. There are so many things to learn and so many changes that happen physically, mentally and emotionally during these three months postpartum. But let me start with some of the things people don’t mention can happen to you and your body after having a baby!

Where to begin? One of the first changes I noticed immediately after Liam was born was my face. Once I was checked into the maternity ward I took my first trip to the bathroom in nearly 24 hrs and saw I had burst capillaries on my face and in my eyes from the force I exerted to push him out. I didn’t even know this was something that could happen, but it makes sense. Labor is the most intense physical experience a woman can go through and there comes a point where your body completely takes over and just HAS to push and you can’t stop it.

Caring for my postpartum body was tedious, but so important. I had a 2nd degree tear, which sounds horrifying, but I was so focused on getting through the contractions and getting baby out that I had no clue I tore until I asked the midwife. So on top of all the normal bleeding from the placenta detaching from the uterus and leaving an open wound inside, I also had a superficial wound to care for. This meant every time I had to use the bathroom I’d have to rinse with a peri-bottle (since I couldn’t wipe), spray my lady bits with dermaplast to numb the area and line my adult diapers with witch hazel pads to soothe and reduce inflammation. By the time I was discharged from the hospital I had the whole routine down pat! Bless those nurses who took the time to walk me through it all, at 3 a.m. none the less! It took a couple of weeks before getting up and walking around felt comfortable again, but for a while it felt like I had a stick up my butt, no joke! Your body needs a lot of healing and recovering after squeezing a tiny human the size of a melon out, so don’t be ashamed to let others help you, even with simple things, during this time. I was so grateful to have my mom around to help me take time to recover and give a hand with baby LJ until I felt 100% again. It was so comforting and reassuring during a time where everything changes and you need to figure out your new normal.

Once the scars healed and my uterus shrunk back to size (which only takes 12 days- CRAZY!) I had to become reacquainted with my new body. That can mean many different things for a new mom, like getting used to stretch marks or not fitting into your favorite pair of jeans anymore. For me it was acknowledging I had mommy-brain, trying to have a romantic life with my husband again and figuring out breastfeeding with my new set of milk-filled boobs!

Having a newborn is tougher than any full-time job I’ve ever had because at the end of the day there’s no clocking-out— this is a 24/7 gig! Liam would wake up every 2-3 hrs like clock-work and needed feeding, burping and diaper changing. And while I was feeding him I would simultaneously be pumping so I could build my supply (more on that later), I was truly being worked to the limit physically and mentally. Being chronically tired made it hard for me to focus and feel on top of, even simple things, like putting groceries away. One day I accidentally put the heavy cream in the pantry! Luckily Trav was helping and found it a couple minutes later, but I seriously had ZERO recollection of even having put it there. Trav would talk to me about his dat at work or ask me questions and I could barely carry-on a conversation. I had to constantly ask him to repeat himself in order to process what he was saying to me. I felt as dumb as a rock, but be kind to yourself and know that it’s just for a short phase. Every mom goes through it and has done really stupid things while having mommy brain, it’s all a part of the fun adventure of motherhood!

(me in my glamorous adult diapers, pumping while Liam had his first blow out LOL)

Becoming intimate with Travis again was a little nerve-wrecking, I’m not gonna lie. At my six week postpartum check-up my midwife gave me the clear to resume all normal physical activities, but warned that I had scar tissue from the tear that would make sex uncomfortable and to take things slow. Being so tired 24/7 meant I was never in the mood and if I ever had a spare moment I wanted to spend it sleeping! As important as it is to try to keep the flame alive in your relationship, know that it’s common to always put baby first, so plan ahead and set apart time on your calendar for romance or it might just never happen. That first time post-baby with Trav felt like our wedding night all over again, oh boy, hahaha! I’ll spare you the details, but I’ll just keep it short and say lube and a little patience will be your best friends if you had a tear.

As far as breastfeeding goes, this was a whole new experience that, I admit, I didn’t study enough before baby arrived. I was so concerned with making sure I had all the coping mechanisms I would need to deliver naturally, that I maybe skimmed a chapter or two on breastfeeding in all those pregnancy books I read. You would think that breastfeeding would be such a natural and intuitive thing, but it really isn’t for so many first time moms— and that’s okay!

(the first couple weeks of Liam’s life we had to do SNS or Supplemental Nursing with a nipple shield & syringe so that he could improve his suck)

Since Liam came early, at 37 weeks, he didn’t quite have the strength to latch and suck. After all, he was cut three weeks short of free food in utero, so when I’d try to breastfeed he would just open his mouth and fall right asleep with the boob in his mouth lol. So in order to maintain a milk supply, for whenever he did get the energy to breastfeed, I had to pump. In the meantime we supplemented him with formula because I wasn’t producing a lot of milk and he didn’t have the strength to draw it out. We started with SNS and then switched over to a bottle for practicality. Over time he began to prefer the bottle over breastfeeding which became extremely frustrating and heartbreaking for me. Whenever I’d see his hunger cues I’d always try to breastfeed first so we could practice, but as soon as I would lay him on my chest he would start crying and fussing! If I was lucky he would breastfeed for 5-10 minutes before pushing and flailing his arms to get away, his tiny baby nails would leave scratch marks on my chest from the struggle—ouch!( They were like tiny paper cuts).

Thankfully I had a couple of friends recommend an awesome lactation consultant in the area who does house visits; this was my last hope. I was desperate to have that special bond between Liam and I through breastfeeding (not to mention the free food for him!) and I was hoping she could make a miracle happen for us. This woman was like the fairy godmother of breastfeeding, she had him latched within minutes of having walked through the door and he stayed that way for like an hour! He fell asleep at the breast and we just cuddled on the couch together while she read me some do’s and don’ts to help us start this journey over on a better foot. It was the beginning of all I ever dreamed breastfeeding my son would be. Now Liam loves it and it’s my surefire tool to help him take a nap when he’s fighting sleep or to calm him when he’s being fussy. My favorite is being able to just grab him out of his bassinet in the early hours of the morning, when the sun is barely coming up, and lay him next to me to nurse until we both fall asleep again; it really is so special.

I know there are a lot of circumstances in which mother’s aren’t able or don’t desire to breastfeed their babies like medications, work and other mental or physical hurdles, but if you really have your heart set on it, where there’s a will there’s a way. There were so many moments where I wanted to give up and still do! Pumping is the absolute bane of my existence to this day! Having to make sure I pump before we go out anywhere, take the pump with me so I can pump in the car on my way home and then to have to clean all the parts, especially in the middle of the night when I’m feeling engorged (Liam is sleeping through the night now so I usually wake up from the discomfort) and have to get out of bed—it’s absolutely exhausting and just plain annoying. But knowing that he’s getting the perfect blend of nutrients and antibodies directly from me (especially during all this coronavirus hysteria) is what motivates me to continue making that sacrifice for my baby boy. It has been so worth going through the difficult learning curve, sore nipples and accidental spills in the dark…but seriously, crying over spilled milk…it’s a real thing if y

Motherhood is such a wild adventure, truly nothing can prepare you for it. My life has changed in every way that I can possibly think of, but it has been so comforting and reassuring to know I’m constantly being supported, uplifted and encouraged by a sisterhood of mothers who surround me, whether it be my own mom, sister or my mommy friends I can always reach out to through social media— it truly takes a village.